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In this issue:
- Announcing: Updated Website
- Introducing: Dr. Spiegel's Blog
- This month's topic: Summer School
Updated Website
I am pleased to announce that the MyFamilyCoachTM website has been revised and updated to reflect its emphasis on helping women succeed in all aspects of their lives. Each page of the website describes what particular needs can be met through professional coaching.
Dr. Spiegel's Blog
I’ve added a new feature to the MyFamilyCoachTM website, called “Dr. Spiegel’s Blog.” The blog provides you with an opportunity to ask questions and share your thoughts with myself and others. You will find the link to “Dr. Spiegel’s Blog” under the links for the newsletter because it expands the newsletter, by adding your voice to mine.
Summer School
What can our children learn during the summer? We spend much time and money on camps and playgroups to ensure that our children have activities to keep busy. We hope that they will learn to swim, have fun with newfound friends and enjoy being outdoors. But, we may wonder, are they gaining anything that will help them when they return to school?
Actually, summer is the ideal time for children to learn skills that are essential for success both in and out of the classroom. They cannot acquire these abilities through reading, memorizing written material, listening to stories or sitting through lectures - the way children learn in school. In truth, the only way to obtain these fundamental prerequisites to success is through “experiential” learning.
Experiential Learning
Experiential learning consists of “hearing and trying it out;” learning through the experience of acquiring and testing out new knowledge. This, for example, is the way that we learn a new language. First we encounter a new phrase or series of phrases. Then, we try to use these words in the appropriate context.
I learned to speak an elementary Spanish in this way. About 17 or 18 years ago, my husband and I took two trips to Mexico. I took along a Spanish phrase book and a dictionary and, unafraid of embarrassment on these distant shores, attempted a number of times to communicate in this foreign language. My friendly listeners became patient teachers.
My acquisition of rudimentary Spanish typifies experiential learning. Firstly, I was self-motivated to gain knowledge; I was neither compelled nor rewarded by any outside force. The learning itself was my incentive. Secondly, I did not hire a tutor or guide to teach me; I undertook the responsibility of learning upon myself. I proceeded to do my best with the material I had on hand. Thirdly, I tried out my tentative new knowledge and took the risk of exposing myself to failure. The gamble, however, was worth it because I obtained a small measure of success. Lastly, I was able to learn because I perceived my environment as friendly; I felt minimal social or emotional risk and anticipated some practical gain.
Playing Games
We find the same dynamics at work when we sit down to play a game with one or more of our children. Do you find, for instance, that one child will be eager to play while another one refuses, even though it’s “just a game?” The first child is motivated to play either because he (or she) is confident that he will win or because he is excited to spend time with a parent. For this child, playing the game is in itself rewarding, whether or not he actually wins. In contrast, for the second child, participating in the game is laden with psychological danger. He is terrified that he might lose; if defeated he feels he will lose face in his parent’s eyes and consequently become a “loser” in his own. Even if he does win, the playing itself has become fraught with too much tension to be an enjoyable activity. The emotional risk is too large, the anticipated gain too small.
Summer, then, is the time to motivate our children to learn by showing them how enjoyable learning can be. Outdoor activities such as a hike or trips to exciting places are ideal opportunities to discover something new about the world. Yet, in addition to venturing outdoors, a child can learn within the multifarious opportunities that exist in your own home. All that is required of you is to set aside time to accomplish your work with your child rather than doing it by yourself. For example, give your child a chance to observe, understand and try out a new skill by allowing him or her to help cook an easy dish for supper, prepare snacks for camp, or even wash the floor. A child who is already motivated to help will not need your involvement; but the child who is not so inspired will need your participation. By sharing your time and your company, you can change the chore into an enjoyable learning experience. Of course, the process will take longer and the end result will not be the same as if you did the task alone. But look what you’ve accomplished! You have given your child the opportunity to experience enjoyment and pride in learning.
Along with motivation, a child needs to feel capable of achieving success. The child who wants to learn but is afraid to fail, as in the game illustrated above, either won’t try or will give up at the first hint of difficulty. Therefore, be careful to allow your child to complete a task, however small or inconsequential it may seem. Even measuring a teaspoon of salt can be a successful learning experience. Don’t stop a child in the middle and say, “Here, let me do it.” Allow him or her the pleasure of fulfillment; that feeling is the greatest pleasure in the world.
Teamwork
Finally, the home is the perfect setting for learning “teamwork.” Teamwork is invaluable on the ball field, in school and in future employment. It comprises a variety of skills, including taking responsibility for one’s part of the task, learning to cooperate, respecting other people’s opinions and abilities, and accepting the end result, even if it doesn’t meet one’s own standards. Your child is capable of many different activities that require these skills. “Taking responsibility” means making one’s bed without being asked. “Learning to cooperate” alludes to getting ready for carpool on time. Every discussion at the supper table requires “respect for other people’s opinion and abilities.” Finally, thanking Mommy for a delicious supper (even when it’s not the favored macaroni and cheese) encapsulates “accepting the end result.”
Children who feel that they can learn new skills and that they are needed and valued for their competence at these skills -- on whatever level of proficiency -- are truly prepared for and excited by learning. Summer is not a “waste”. It is the time when life’s best school is open.
Future Issues
The Power of Expectations
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