Most of us experience times when we do not feel like doing something. Whether it is tackling a household chore, making a phone call, or starting a difficult task, it is perfectly normal to avoid demands from time to time.
For some children and young people, however, demands can feel much bigger than simple reluctance or procrastination. Everyday requests, expectations, and routines can trigger intense feelings of anxiety, stress, or overwhelm. As a result, they may go to great lengths to avoid what is being asked of them.
If your child seems to resist even simple requests, regularly becomes distressed when asked to do something, or appears to be constantly battling against everyday expectations, this may be down to something called ‘demand avoidance’.
Understanding what is happening beneath the surface can help parents and carers respond in ways that reduce anxiety and strengthen relationships.
Demand avoidance describes a situation where a child or young person finds it difficult, and sometimes impossible, to cope with demands placed upon them.
These demands can be obvious, such as being asked to get dressed, complete homework, or come to the dinner table. They can also be less obvious, including social expectations, changes to plans, transitions between activities, or even things the child wants to do themselves.
The important thing to understand is that demand avoidance is driven by anxiety rather than defiance. While it may look like a child is refusing to cooperate, they may actually be experiencing overwhelming feelings that make meeting the demand feel impossible in that moment.
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