As parents and carers, we all want our children to feel capable, confident, and able to tackle what life throws at them. But sometimes, seemingly simple everyday tasks — tidying a bedroom, finishing homework, getting ready in the morning — can turn into battles.
It can be easy to assume that our child is being lazy or difficult, but often the real problem is that the task feels too big, confusing, or overwhelming for them to manage alone.
What can make a real difference in these moments is breaking tasks down into smaller, more manageable steps.
Breaking down a task means taking something that could potentially feel overwhelming or complicated and splitting it into steps your child can follow.
For a younger child, that might mean, “First, put your shoes in the cupboard, then hang your coat on the hook.” For an older child or teenager, it might involve mapping out a school project into research, writing, editing, and final checks, each with its own deadline.
When we help children see a clear sequence, we can reduce the mental load that comes from trying to keep the whole task in mind. It becomes easier to start, easier to keep going, and easier to finish.
If a task feels too big, children and young people may:
For children who may already find it hard to focus, plan, or regulate their emotions, this sense of overwhelm can quickly spiral into frustration or behaviour that needs extra support.
For others, especially those who experience demand avoidance or have a PDA profile, large or unclear tasks can trigger intense feelings of anxiety or loss of control. This can look like refusal, distraction, or sudden changes in mood. Breaking the task into smaller, clearly defined steps, and sometimes offering choices about how or when to do them, can help reduce that anxiety and make everything feel more manageable.
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